Series: Addicted to You series, book 2
Most people had a date and they got nervous. I fucking panicked. Not because I thought she wouldn’t like me. Not because I thought I wouldn’t like her. I already knew how I felt about Avery Bradfield. I didn’t understand it. I certainly didn’t like it. But I damn well knew.
My problem was fear of what would happen. It was in my blood. Panic, fear and escape. It happened with all of us. Every single time. Jamie had been as close as I’d gotten to love and I’d tucked my tail between my legs and ran away. She may have left me officially— but I had been long gone before that.
I’d hurt her. I’d destroy her. Just like I always did. Even if I didn’t, I’d change her. She’d no longer be the simple, real and naive Avery. She’d be hardened. Jaded. Being with me would show her that the world wasn’t innocent. That people were vicious. That life was painful. I never wanted her to know that. So I tried like hell to convince myself that it wasn’t me. I wasn’t going out with her for me. I was making her happy. Giving her something special. And when it was done, it would be done.
Once we were at dinner, I could no longer lie to myself. It wasn’t just for her. It was for me too. All through dinner I felt the most relaxed I’d ever felt with a woman. Even the time with Jamie had never felt so comfortable. So right. Something about Avery was different.
I watched her talk, joining in where needed, and I understood her. Not just the words that she was speaking. I understood the things that she wasn’t saying. I knew what she wanted to tell me even though she was trying hard not to tell me. It was an almost surreal experience. I wanted to be direct. Answer her questions and alleviate her doubts. But I knew I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.
So I would reply with my own. I would tell her things, using words she could handle, and watch as the realization of what was underneath began to set in. And I wondered in that moment if our conversations would always be this way. Would we always have to dance around the truth simply because she couldn’t handle speaking it directly?
What struck me the most was knowing that I wanted there to be more conversations. I wanted to know that when I took Avery home that night, she would not be gone. I would have the chance to learn more. Talk more. Share more. I needed to know that Avery would remain in my life and I was willing to risk whatever I had to risk to ensure that.
But even that knowledge didn’t stop it. I told myself all night that I was there for her— I was doing this for her— and when it was done I’d walk away. I had to. It was for the best.
By the time we were sitting at the movies, close enough that I could smell the scent of her body wash, I had quit even trying to pretend that I was simply honoring my word. In that moment I knew that I’d found what was missing— whatever it was that I had never known before—and it was now sitting right beside me
Even when love is Forbidden…. it can still be all that you need
Spencer Phillips has forbidden love in his life. Living with the memories of family disaster, bad choices and a love lost; he has no desire to repeat the heartache and pain that it’s guaranteed to bring.
Even when it comes in the form of Avery Bradfield.
Regardless of how good things seem to be between them, and often in spite of it, Spencer is determined that love only brings disaster and destruction. It’s a fate he isn’t willing to tempt again.
Until the day he learns he has really lost her.
When his biggest fear becomes reality, Spencer must face his own demons and accept that some addictions in life are permanent. As he finds out, sometimes what is most forbidden is the same thing that you just can’t live without.
Join Avery Bradfield and Spencer Phillips as they venture through a love that tests their limits, pushes them through their fears and shows them that sometimes addiction takes on many forms.